dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
