Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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