I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize