I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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