Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
