Where is the hickey?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
