You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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