so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
