do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
