i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
