In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
