separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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