I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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