But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
