i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
