hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
