GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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