wat bout pragnant strippers??
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
