the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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