a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In other news, I just burned my penis
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
did i just pee glitter
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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