It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
