whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
