He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
