He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
