Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
