That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
