i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
