worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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