it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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