i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
