If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
