It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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