Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
