with your own penis?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
