What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
