Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
