we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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