Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
