Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
