had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
