I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He better not be in your backpack
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
