Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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