I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize