we're chasing vodka with high fives
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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