Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
