I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
