this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
