Welp...herpes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize