dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize