I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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