I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
