if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
