i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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