it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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