He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
