Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
