Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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