He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm both gender and math confused
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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