i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
