I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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