He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
