Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
